Ok…My friend just got engaged and is planning to get married in December of 2007 because she is just about to start school and will be done October of 2007. SHe planned the wedding for December because of ‘financial reasons’. SHe will have student loans to pay off, and she just told me they are taking out a loan for $18k for the wedding!! I think this is crazy since neither of them have good jobs (she is a waitress at the olive garden….) I know it is NOT good to start off a marriage in debt, so should I say anything to her? I totally respect their decisions, but I just worry about them =0( What to do…what to do….
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Some marraiges are doomed for failure from the very start :(
i agree that it’s stupid to take out a loan for a wedding but it really isn’t your place and she will probably get offended even though you have the best intentions
Bring it up ONCE as a concerned friend, and be prepared for her to listen politely and ignore your advice, and don’t bring it up again. You can’t live your friend’s life for her.
(But for the record, I totally agree with you! :)
You can tell your friend your concerns about taking on a debt like this, but in the end, she and her fiance will do what they want.
I agree with you! It is ridiculous to spend that kind of money on a wedding.
i think that’ll be her problem to sort out. you done your bit and warned her. its sweet of u to care. $18 k loan? are u sure? loan maybe rejected due to fact not earning enough.
i think thats really dumb to spend that much on a wedding b/c not to be mean but you can never tell how long the marriage will last. i mean it would really suck if the got divorced for some reason after only 6 months.tell her to consider her options before making such a drastic decision. she could still have a beautiful wedding for around 5,000 dollars. good luck
If you are close, I would ask her why she is willing to start off her married life with such a huge, unnecessary debt! I mean, if it was for a house, then fine. But the wedding, which I understand is very important, is only one day. Its every day after that thats more important.
As her friend (if she really cares for you as you obviously do her), she should at least listen politely, even if she - just as politely - tells you to go jump in a lake!
Sure you can say something, but it doesn’t mean she’s going to do anything to alter her decision. It IS a lot of money (about 2/3 of my annual income!), but to each her own. Just remind her that $18K is a LOT of money (under any circumstances) when 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Her marriage may not be one - but is it worth a $25K+ (after interest) bet??
Yes, you are correct on all points. Eighteen thousand dollars is too much for a wedding. No, it is not your place to say anything to your friend.
They will be paying a very high interest rate on this loan. It is a unsecured loan isn’t it. Perhaps, your friend is just dreaming now and when they try to get a loan and unable to; they will wake up to reality.
WOW, what a pair of idiots. I could NEVER imagine taking a 18K loan out for a wedding. I say if you cant afford it you cant afford it. They are setting themselves up for a nice quick divorce. You can try and say something but I dont think she will listen and she might even jump to the conclusion that your jealous. Let them make their own mistakes.
She must know how risky it is to take out a loan to pay for a wedding. Apparently, all of the cons outweigh the one pro of being able to have the wedding of her dreams.
You can say something to her if you want, but it won’t do any good. Be warned…this one is going to be a bridezilla. No sane woman takes out an 18K loan to pay for a wedding.
I’d say use the internet and find all sorts of stuff on weddings. Send her emails and have chats about planning. Every bride to be loves to chat about that. Casually slip in what experts say about taking a loan for the wedding. Then switch to chatting about color schemes. Don’t do it in an obvious way but I agree with you. You have the wedding you can afford.
Well, if she did not ask you for advice then there is really nothing you can do. If she asked what you think, I would just tell her how you feel …
I think too many people get caught up in throwing this lavish wedding and having all this *stuff.” I recently married and my hubby and I have very good jobs and money in the bank … but we did not take out any loans. We did accrue about $6,000 in credit card debt which we will have paid off by the end of the year. It is good to pay for as much as you can up front, cut your budget where you can, leave out certain items, and just to downsize the wedding a bit so it doesn’t turn into a money pit.
Every couple that I know that spent a lot on their wedding when they were first starting out regrets it. They would be better off using that money as a down payment on a Condo or Townhouse. Because then they will have a place to live and they will build equity in the house. BUT - you cannot talk sense into people who are in love and want a dream wedding. You can take her out for drinks one night and say “I know you want the childhood dream wedding, everybody does but what about using that money to pay off your bills or find a small house to buy’. Tell her that you’d be happy to help plan a nice and fun wedding that is lower budget. Tell her it’s just because you love her and you will support anything she does.
Yes, it is a terrible idea to take out a loan for a wedding.
Tell her your opinion once, but then back off. Her mistakes are not your responsibility.
Well…your additional details prove that she isn’t very smart. Taking out a loan for a wedding is absoulutely ridiculous. You shuld only spend what you can afford. Starting a marriage with unneccessary debt is stupid.
Of course, so is marrying someone you cheat on and don’t even want to be with. You can say something to her-but is she even going to care what you have to say?
She seems very selfish (marrying someone knowing she’d rather be with someone else) and ignorant.
well it is great to give advice to someone but rem not all people take the advice given.. they way you say something.. with love also breaks down any defensiveness they might have. I would tell her your opinion and just support her with her own decision making. Weddings are hard time and we brides need a ll the support we possibly could receive.. advice is great but only given with Love! I wish your friend the best!
You feel for your friend–that’s great. She’s making a huge mistake, and it’s hard to stand by.
As a friend, you can’t stop her. You can tell her what you think, but you can’t stop her from doing anything. If this is her dream wedding, she’s going to get it regardless of the debt that will be looking her in the face for the next 30 years and each time they try to buy a house or a car.
As a friend, be there for her. She’s sounds like someone who is trying to make up for something, and it sounds like her marriage isn’t going to be as strong as it could be. Be there for her with open arms and NEVER say “I told you so.”
A loan for a house yes, a loan for a reception no. You can’t tell her what to do, but try to tell her it is not good to go into debt for a party. Just invite less people
It’s frustrating when your friend lacks common sense and won’t listen to sound advice–however, it’s your friend’s choice and she is an adult, so if she wants to be stuck with a huge bill, then that’s her problem. You can’t do much about it but be smug when you tell her “I told you so!” when the time comes…
A lot of people have huge weddings to show off. My husband and I spent less than $1,000 on a civil wedding and got it over with and enjoyed a lavish honeymoon in Hawaii instead. We own a house and we just bought an SUV which we paid for in full! His friend had a 30k wedding and has to live in a small apt., lease their cars, blah blah blah…
A lot of people don’t realize that spending too much on a one day affair, can compromise their way of life and future…I can’t imagine having to work my butt off each day just to pay off a debt.
How about: Even though she is your friend, NONE OF THIS IS YOUR BUSINESS!!!! Whether she loves him or not has absolutely nothing to do with you. If she spends 18k on a wedding to a guy she doesn’t love, it isn’t going to effect you at all so why waste your time worrying about someone elses problems. Stay out of it and you will feel alot better. The main problem in this world is that people feel too much, they care too much, they love too much. Just live your own life and let everyone else do the same!
If I were talking her I would tell her that is a bad decision to make, but you asked the question so I would tell you to mind your own business and let them make the mistakes they are going to make. If they both have parents you need to trust that their parents have already talked to them about this and they will decide to do what’s best for them.
I’m not sure how close you are to this girl, but someone needs to tell her that what she’s doing is insane. You do not take on almost $20,000 in debt to have a wedding with a man that you are cheating on. Email this question to her so she can she her insanity in black and white.